How can I strengthen the self-confidence of others?

My last blog was about how to strengthen your own self-confidence. When we strengthen our own, it has a ripple effect on others as well. We trust ourselves, are mentally free and make decisions with clarity. We are authentic and binding at the same time. This creates compassion and motivates not only ourselves but also others. If we are parents or superiors, in both cases we are leading a system, a team of people, which is dependent on our interaction with them. In the case of children even dependent, because they do not have the freedom, like an employee, to simply leave.

Let us dive into the four pillars of self-consciousness and how we can use them this time to strengthen the self-consciousness of other people in our environment.

Connection: It is important to perceive one's environment, to hear and see it, i.e. to build a connection. In companies, employees want to have the feeling that they are needed, that opinions are heard and people are seen. This motivates more than a cold bonus at the end of the year with the feeling of being just a number. When I see and hear people, I know about their strengths and use them where they are needed. It's like when you put together a football team, the striker is not put on defence either, but plays in the position where his potential and strengths come into play most. 

This is no different in the family system, where perception as a person is also decisive. Children are more likely to remember pleasant experiences together than gifts. We are programmed as humans on connection, if this does not happen, the person starves. Children need the attachment and the perception of it grows their personality.

Acknowledgement: This is the appreciation of my counterpart as a whole. To take a person seriously as a human being in his position and age. If I am not interested in the reason and do not stick to the matter at hand, but blame or condemn a person, I always create conflicts. There are some tools to lead a team meeting without this negative attitude being part of a communication. Then constructive brainstorming is possible with a promising result through joint selection and weighing up without the employee or colleague feeling judged or blamed. The focus remains on defining the problem and the appropriate solution. When I create a safe environment with compassion and interest of my employees, where ideas can be brought in and decisions can be made together, my team is creative and inspired and this leads to productivity and motivation. The goal has been achieved - it is being drawn from the highest potential. 

It is no different with children, if I value my child and his world, i.e. allow feelings and do not deny them, like for example, that did not hurt at all or what you think is beautiful, that is ugly...then I avoid a lot of conflict potential. What happens here is that we do not accept the world of children, but judge it from the eyes of our own adult world. This leads to resentment, children feel misunderstood and ashamed. This creates protectors, like for example rage up to the untiring pleaser. Both behaviour patterns protect the underlying feeling of not being good enough. Children naturally want to be liked by their parents in what they do. The protectors, like Rage, are deceptive here, because they protect inwardly and create even more resentment outwardly through their behavior. The pleaser falls less into resentment, but is misjudged and exploited and does not learn to say No. Underneath every behaviour there is a feeling with a need. It is much more effective to question where this feeling comes from, has it perhaps been caused by mixing the two worlds? We prevent many conflicts and false beliefs (not being good enough). These are growing burdens that can lead to strong blockades in adult life.

Needs: If I know myself what is good for me, then I see the needs in my environment and let them apply. I do not take and use others. Now there are people who supposedly do themselves good, but do not grant it to others. I once worked with a manager who didn't want to grant her employee another day off, although there was no reason not to. When I questioned this further I got an answer. I have worked hard and I was not granted it before...This Revenge-Protector of the manager creates unnecessary displeasure and conflicts, because it was not understandable for the current situation. Self-reflection lets us know when a protector is at work and blocks us and we cannot be authentic. This means that we can consciously free ourselves from our own unpleasant experiences without continuing the same behaviour that has happened to us on others, but instead enjoy the opportunity to do better. This behaviour creates trust and cooperation, the highest good that motivates employees and makes them productive. 

The same applies to the upbringing to consciously do things differently that happened to us as a child and that harmed us or did not please us. There is a statistic that 75% have the same contact with their children that they have experienced themselves, although they did not feel it was right and good. Only 25% manage to consciously break away and do things differently. Becoming aware of oneself, consciously recognizing things and doing them differently helps not only oneself but also our fellow human beings, whether professionally or privately.  

Control: Many managers are tired of motivation because they feel like entertainers and not like coaches who keep moving with the team, in short, agile leaders. It is not enough to provide an executive with tools for agile leadership if he or she still leads himself or herself in an authoritarian manner. First the manager has to learn to lead himself agile and then this is transferred to the team. This is then a natural and unlearned process and that makes a big difference, not only in the brevity of the change, but also in the effect and sustainability. Whether as a manager or as parents, there is often still a lot of pressure when it comes to setting an example. It is still equated with perfectionism. If we want to be a real role model, it is in the fact that we are not perfect. The real role model lives to define problems and find suitable solutions and change direction if necessary and do not fear what others think and therefore do not hold on to things and people for the wrong reason. Taking responsibility for mistakes and being able to speak for your own feelings creates trust, strength and credibility. As well as giving responsibility to others motivates and is key to good leadership, not only in business but also with children. To motivate means to spur, to accompany, if I want to motivate someone, I spur the person on to what he or she is capable of, in contrast to demotivating by telling the person how much better others are. For example, if I say, I'm sure you can do it as well, if not better, then I motivate, but if I say, look how good the others are and you can't even do the basics, then that's demotivating. It is important to give children their own speed and talents. Sometimes we get up in the morning and are in the mood to leave our comfort zone and sometimes there are days when we just want to be good enough and that's how children feel. So don't keep on getting faster and better, ask them what they feel like. Asking questions is the key to understanding each other's world. With this we support from childhood on to activate the inner motivation and do not program the children to external expectations. Because this can end up on a treadmill later and until this change can be made up for, a lot of time, quality of life and life energy is lost.  

Conclusion: There is nothing better than to activate and promote the self-confidence of other people and to see how they move strongly in life. It all starts with ourselves, becoming aware of ourselves, is self-leadership and has a wide impact on our work and family life. And with that we have created a bit more connection and compassion and that makes us happy and satisfied.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me, I am happy about every contribution.

Warmest,

Birgit Rohm

Expert in Self-Leadership

Blog-Link: https://www.mediocoaching.com/blog-english

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