In the last article I wrote about self-care and how important it is to live your own world as a parent to have energy for the world of others around you. Also as a role model not to hide or even suppress your own feelings. Children notice this quickly and often think they are to blame. Therefore it is important to explain yourself and speak up for your feelings early on, also to avoid bursting in the wrong place.

If only it were that simple, "Explain myself and speak for my feelings". Do I even know what I should explain and what I feel? And if so, do I allow myself my feelings and ultimately accept them? Because only then can I also speak for them. The answer is, I have to become aware of myself. But how? My girlfriend recently told me that her son, when he does sports, always approaches it with full fervor and has the professionals as a role model. In soccer it's Manuel Neuer, in skating it's Mr. XY. He always says "I want to be like...", grabs his soccer ball or skateboard and is off through the door. She told him why it always had to be the best, why not lower the bar? They started to argue about it and her son accused her of "Stop ruining everything for me”.

I asked her what she was afraid of? She said that he would be disappointed not to be able to reach his role models. What is happening here? The important thing is to separate the worlds. Explaining one's own world and saying "Phew, the bar would be too high for me, if I couldn't do it, I would be very disappointed". And then turn to the child and ask "How do you feel about that? The point is that you share your experience, but don't impose it on the child. If we don't mix the worlds, the child doesn't hear "I don't believe in you.” This creates an unnecessary source of conflict, children are disappointed that you don't believe in them. From a parent's point of view, this is also unintentional and unwanted. Therefore it is important to explain yourself, to be aware of your own feelings, then we will not create any misunderstandings.

In the case of his girlfriend, it turned out that her son was highly motivated by the star level, and that he had a lot of fun doing the sport under this incentive, but he didn't really care about getting there in the end. In other words, the aforementioned disappointment was not in his focus at all. It motivated him to feel like Manuel Neuer or XY - less the result. Quite the opposite of what his mother thought.

It is understandable that we want to protect our children from many things, but in the children's daily play, being disappointed is also an important emotion, just like losing. It is a signal and a motor, like all emotions that can be used to change things. Only if I allow myself to be disappointed when I lose can I be really happy when I win. It is not for nothing that successful entrepreneurs are not afraid of losing, for them losses are experiences. Experience to change course, to take a new direction in order to get ahead and win again. We can learn a lot from our children and the interplay of their feelings. Understanding one's own feelings and allowing oneself to do so is something that we adults have often lost. Contrary to our assumption, it only makes life and everyday life easier. The ease with which children live their feelings is enviable and so important for a healthy organism. Emotions are as much a part of human beings as the weather is of nature, without which it could not exist.

So, to become aware of emotions, to allow and accept them, is the key to become aware of oneself. For those who find it difficult, simply observe the children. From the sky high cheering, up to death saddened. And that in a matter of seconds. I personally envy children for their humor. It's great what makes their eyes sparkle, how they laugh and giggle and what they can amuse themselves about in no time at all. If I had one wish, it would be that I would have to laugh again about much more. Now you're smiling...there's something to it, isn't there?

Enjoy your day,

Birgit

Birgit Rohm

Expert for Self-Leadership